Ilf and Petrov

Can you name any Soviet humorists?  I didn't think so.  (Sorry, Yakov Smirnoff doesn't count.)

In Dmitri Shostakovich's memoir Testimony he repeatedly mentions a pair of authors, Ilf and Petrov. Here's a quote from page 142:

The dissatisfied group showered Stalin with declarations, signed personally and collectively. As Ilf and Petrov noted once, "Composers denounce each other on music paper." They overrated composers, they wrote denunciations on plain paper.

and one from page 202:

Of course, I know that an entire brigade of respected Russian dullards wrote a collective book praising that White Sea canal. If they have an excuse at all, it's that they were taken to the canal as tourists one day and the next day any one of them could have been shoveling dirt there. Then again, Ilf and Petrov got out of participating in that shameful "literary camp" anthology by saying that they "knew little" about the life of inmates. Ilf and Petrov were lucky, and they never did find out about that life, the way hundreds of other writers and poets did.

Shostakovich gives the impression that everyone will recognize the names Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov, but of course I had no idea who they were.  These two men co-wrote several comic novels in Soviet Russia during the 1920s and 1930s and are also known for an account of their 1935 auto trip across the United States.  Their works have been made into movies several dozen times including once by Mel Brooks.

I was curious, so I ordered a DVD of Brooks' The Twelve Chairs and a new translation of Ilf and Petrov's other novel The Golden Calf.

Mel Brooks made The Twelve Chairs after The Producers but before Blazing Saddles.  Since those are two of the funniest movies I've ever seen, I expected a lot from The Twelve Chairs.  Yes, it's funny but not THAT funny.  The leads are played by Ron Moody, Dom DeLuise and a very skinny Frank Langella as the petty criminal Ostap Bender.  These characters compete to find a fortune hidden in one of twelve identical dining room chairs which had been taken from a nobleman's family by the Communists after the Revolution.  The plot and the film itself remind me of a low-budget It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, if you can imagine that classic happening in 1920's Russia rather than 1960s California.

At the end of the novel version of The Twelve Chairs, Ostap Bender dies.  In spite of that, Ilf and Petrov brought him back as the lead character in The Golden Calf.  Bender, with a small group of friends of ill-repute, are out to con a lot of money from another Russian who has amassed a large illegal fortune.  Although this may have been a tremendously popular and influential book in Russia (where there is even a statue of the lead characters and their junker automobile, a Lorraine Dietrich), I found it only mildly amusing.  However, as a window into a time and place far away where there was a very different society, it's quite fascinating.

I think America could benefit from a wider familiarity with The Twelve Chairs and The Golden Calf.  In a time when greed is still good and we make heroes of rich people, even those who have twisted the law to get ahead,  and when 40% of Americans expect to be part of the wealthiest 10% someday, it couldn't hurt us to hear a few counter opinions about the meaning of money and the folly of getting rich quick.  Someone needs to ask whether our incessant chase after the almighty dollar is really worth it.

And if that question happened to be couched in comedy and comes to the people of the United States via a pair of long dead Soviet journalists who have earned a permanent place in the collective memory of their own collectivist nation, one reviled here for its anti-Capitalist dogmas, so much the better.

A quote from Ilf and Petrov which I found here:

"The time, that we have, is the money, that we don’t have."

---

One final note: I've mentioned several times how hard I am on the books I read because I carry them back and forth on my daily walks to coffee shops.  They are exposed to various elements, the foremost being sweat and coffee.  After I have finished a book it definitely looks used.  But my copy of The Golden Calf is a curious exception - it still looks great.  It's a trade paperback and seems to have been printed on particularly high quality paper with a very resistant cover. The publisher, Open Letter at the University of Rochester, is to be commended for a quality product even in this era of e-readers.

The picture of the Golden Calf statue came from here. Both statues are located in Odessa which is now part of the Ukraine.

Ilf and Petrov Tags: Ilya Ilf. . . Evgeny Petrov. . . The Twelve Chairs. . . The Golden Calf. . . Mel Brooks. . . Dmitri Shostakovich. . . Soviet humor

Auto Destructive Rag

To the everlasting shame of National Public Radio my interest in offbeat English humor began with their early 1970's broadcasts of the Goon Show. Lately I've been listening to the Goon-inspired I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again, a BBC radio show starring John Cleese and no one else familiar to Americans.

One of the hallmarks of the avant-garde in music is the presence of parodies. This is a tradition extending from Punkt contrapunkt (1958) to Einstein on the Fritz (1989). But I'm drawing a blank for avant-garde music parodies in the last two decades. I guess the a.g. is really dead and gone this time.

I was amused by a song in one particular ISIRTA episode (Series 6/11, March 23, 1969) This was a time (as we are reminded recently by the nostalgia industry) of Abbey Road, Woodstock and the Moon Landing. All of those were fictitious events, of course, mere government hoaxes.

But in 1969 The Avant Garde was alive. This is proven by a song called "Auto Destructive Rag". Lavishly orchestrated and Tom Lehrer-esque, only the strangest among us would find it amusing. I liked it.

The singer and composer is uncredited - probably Bill Oddie. You can listen to this clip or read my transcription of the lyrics if you want an even duller, more avant-garde, experience.



And now, here is an urgent reptile joke. What changes color and goes "I say, I say, I say"?

I don't know. What does change color and goes "I say, I say, I say"?

A music hall chameleon!

And now, an educational, meaningful song. Nowadays we have Auto Destructive Art - (Look it up.) - and twelve-tone music. Will these, in a few years time, be looked back on as the good old days. (Who cares?)

(Music)

[THE AUTO DESTRUCTIVE RAG]

Some like jazz
Some like swing
I don't like
Anything
Unless it's got the feeling of tomorrow.

Make it wild
Make it weird
Preferably
With a beard
If it's soft and sweet it went out long ago.

I like music pure and cold and hard
(Like it is)(?)
I'm a member of the avant ga-ga-garde

So......
Play me a tune that has nothing to do with a Melody.
Play me a tune that has nothing to do with a tune.

Give me a suite
with no rhythm or beat
and no harmony.

Open the thing
and dismember the strings
with a spoon.

Take a good old-fashioned geetar
And plug it in the mains.

Bash it
Beat it
Try to
Eat it
Play me a suite with the brains

Oh....
Play to me soon
and don't bother to tune
up your Instruments

Oh gimme, oh gimme
That Auto Destructive Rag.

Give me a tune
that has something
to do with
Reality

Play me some bump
[....]
on a stick
Ah ah - ohohoh

Twentieth century's
full of adventures
in Melody

I wanna dance
to the sound of a man
being sick.
Bwehh.

Bring it all back!

Everybody's hummin'
A catchy twelve-tone song
No bars
No key
Absolutely
Free.
Come on.
Sing along.

[imitates operatic soprano]
oh OH oh.
Ohoh oh.
Oh oh oh Oh oh.
Ah.

Come on, you're not singing.

Ohhhh
Don't you like
Doin' that
Come on
And do with that
Melody

Oh gimme, oh gimme
That Auto Destructive Rag.

[over break]
Oh, that's terrible.

Oh they're playing our tune.

The sounds are all around us
It's the music of today [Ahh!]
Scratch it
Scrape it
Wreck it
Rape it
Everybody can play.

[Break]

Ah...
Oh...
Play me a tune
that has
nothing to do
with a Melody.
Oh gimme, oh gimme
That Auto Destructive ...
Oh gimme, oh gimme
That Auto Destructive ...
Gimme!
Gimme
That Auto Destructive ...

Yoko. Oh! No!!!!!!!!!

Gimme that Auto Destructive Raaaaaaaag.
Da da daa dada dah...

[Applause]
[Announcer]
And now it's serial time.

[Fanfare]
Here's adventure. Here's romance.
Here's a paper and pencil
See if you can do any better.
Yes.

Reach For the Sky - Part Two (The link to listen to the Goon Show "First Albert Memorial to the Moon" should still work.)
Ice Cream Wishes (Mixed Meters meets the work of Yoko Ono while eating sweet, frozen dairy fat.)
The DOcker Award for Mainstream Avant Garde (BBC related video of nothing much.)

Rag Tags: ISIRTA. . . Auto Destructive. . . BBC radio humor

Musical markings

This post was inspired by amusing emails I received. But be warned: unless you are now or have ever been an orchestra musician you're probably not going to get it.

For some reason Gustav Mahler wrote instructions in his symphonies in the German language. Many American musicians need these translated into American. This is a letter to members of some orchestra with a list of Mahler's markings and equivalent English versions. (There's one really good viola joke. Here is an exhaustive compendium of every other viola joke.)

(Following the Mahler is sheet music to Faerie's Aire and Death Waltz (from "A Tribute to Zdenko G. Fibich") a famous opus by the mysterious John Stump, who sells authorized copies of his music here. Other stuff too, if you make it that far.)

MAHLER MARKINGS TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH

Several weeks ago, we sent you a list of translations of the German markings in the Mahler. We now realize that this list contained many serious errors. These sheets contain the correct versions. So we don't waste valuable rehearsal time on this, copy these corrections into your part immediately.

German in bold type (English translation in parentheses)

Langsam (Slowly)
Schleppend (Slowly)
Dampfer auf (Slowly)
Mit Dampfer (Slowly)
Allmahlich in das Hauptzeitmass uebergehen (do not look at the conductor)
Im Anfang sehr gemaechlich (in intense inner torment)
Alle Betonungen sehr zart (with more intense inner torment)
Getheilt [geth.] (out of tune)
Von hier an in sehr allmaehlicher aber stetiger Steigerung bis zum Zeichen (From this point on, the spit valves should be emptied with ever-increasing emotion)
Hier ist ein frisches belebtes Zeitmass eingetreten (Slowly)
Haupttempo (Slowly)
Noch ein wenig beschleunigend (slowing down but with a sense of speeding up)
immer noch zurueckhaltend (with steadily decreasing competence)
sehr gemaechlich (with indescribably horrific inner torment)
Etwas bewegter, aber immer noch sehr ruhig (Somewhat louder, though still inaudible as before)
Alle Betonungen sehr zart (with smallish quantities of fairly mild inner torment)
Gemaechlich (Intermission)
Ganz unmerklich etwas zurueckhaltend (Slowly)
Etwas gemaechlicher als zuvor (Slowly)
Zurueckhaltend (Gesundheit)
Von hier ab unmerklich breiter werden (as if wild animals were gnawing on your liver)
Ohne cresc. (without toothpaste)
immer noch etwas zurueckhaltend (Slowly)
vorwaerts draengend (Slowly)
Hauptzeitmass (Slowly)
Allmaehlich etwas lebhafter (screaming in agony)
Ohne Nachschl[age] (without milk [sugar])
Kraeftig bewegt (Slowly)
Alle (second violins tacet)
mit dem Holze zu streichen (like a hole in the head)
mit Parodie (viola solo)
sehr einfach und schlicht, wie eine Volksweise (Slowly)
daempfer ab (eyes closed)
ploetzlich viel schneller (even more ploddingly)
Den ersten Ton scharf herausgehoben (Do not play until the buzzer sounds)
Am Griffbrett (as if in tune)
aeusserst zart, aber ausdrucksvoll. (radiantly joyful, despite the itching)
wieder zurueckhaltend (increasingly decreasing)
noch breiter als vorher (better late than never)
Nicht eilen (no eels)
Allmaehlich [unmerklich] etwas zurueckhaltend (much faster [slower] than conductor)
Lang gestrichen (heads up)
Lang gezogen (heads back down)
Die werden allmaehlich staerker und staerker bis zum (fp) (In the event of a waterlanding, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device)
Am Steg (Slowly)

Want to know what the German really means? Copy a phrase and click here.


FAERIE'S AIRE and DEATH WALTZ
Click on the picture to see all the spiffy little details.


Fairie's Aire and other similar notational nightmares (some of them intended seriously by the most important and impressive of important, impressive composers) may be found here, at a blog called Dark Roasted Blend.

MODERATO NON TROPPO by David Ocker
(I guess this is my Tribute to Fairie's Aire and Death Waltz)

I probably created this in the eighties when my work was still done with cheap, reliable pens, ink and straightedges instead of with expensive, bug-ridden computers. Judy Green, proprietor of Judy Green Music, had changed vellum suppliers (that's the translucent paper onto which music was copied). She wanted me to test the new paper.

So I sat down one day with the sample sheet of vellum and proceeded to write this, er, piece of music. There's no real title so I'm calling it by the first tempo indication Moderato non troppo ("not too moderately"). My principal consideration as a composer was whether the paper held the ink well. I wanted to know if it would smear and other similar musical things. (As always, click the pic for enlargement.) Notice Judy's logo and address in the lower left.


The original of Moderato non troppo hangs in my office to this day - attached to the side of a bookcase with a piece of scotch tape.

DOCTOR SCHMUTZIG??

Has anyone ever heard of the Doctor Schmutzig Method for Holzblasinstrumente?

I remember a small, comedic musical-instruction pamphlet which I probably saw in college. The woodwind instrument it teaches looked suspiciously like a vacuum cleaner. I cannot find any reference to this online. It's possible that I remember it imprecisely.

Once, after I mentioned the pamphlet to Leslie, she started calling me "Doctor Schmutzig". Not because I know how to play a vacuum cleaner but because I'm so good at making a mess.

I'd like to reacquaint myself with this little "gem". And I'd like to prove to her that I didn't just make it up. (Maybe I did.) Any help in this quest will be gratefully received.





Read Mixed Meters' rant about Mahler Me and Mahler, Me and Iowa.

Notations 21 is a website which has many examples of "innovative notations".

Thanks to David Avshalomov and John Steinmetz for sending the inspirational emails.

Music Marking Tags: Gustav Mahler. . . music notation. . . Fairie's Aire. . . John Stumpe. . . moderato non troppo. . . Doctor Schmutzig. . . Method for Holzblasinstrumente

Reach For The Sky - Part Two

This is a follow up to the Mixed Meters post Reach For The Sky where I documented a magnificent local steeple - or is it a spire. Either way I started collecting more pictures of long thin things which point upwards - on churches, public buildings and private homes.




Most of these pictures were taken in Pasadena, although Altadena and Marina del Rey California are represented too.

The final photo was taken by my friends Jim, Marilynn and Robert Hildebrandt in London, England. They wondered what this amazing gilded spire or steeple might really be.

The correct answer, provided by the genuine Irishman Spike Milligan, comedian, Python-inspirer and supposed author of the supposed World's Funniest Joke, is "a rocket ship to the moon".

Click here to hear the Goon Show entitled The First Albert Memorial to the Moon. (This is a temporary link.) Click here to read a transcription of the script.

The Goon Shows were English radio comedies of the 1950s, written by Milligan and acted by him with the assistance of actor Peter Sellers, singer Harry Secombe, singer/pianist Ray Ellington, harmonica-ist Max Geldray plus a cast of one or two more. Silly and nonsensical when first broadcast, the subsequent fifty years have added a patina of insouciant surrealism which will make anyone, especially an American, scratch their head and grab a thin thing with lumps on.

All the pictures enlarge when clicked.

Inspiring Tags: steeple. . . spire. . . architecture. . . Spike Milligan. . . Goon Show. . . Albert Memorial

What to do with a clarinet

"Someone's been selling clarinets to the Indians." A Herman cartoon by Unger

This cartoon has been on all my refrigerator doors continuously since July 9, 1985 - that's the publication date marked on it. I figured I'd better digitize it before it crumbles.

I recently passed the tenth anniversary of my final performance as a clarinetist. This little panel always added a nice touch of absurdity to a part of my life sorely in need of same.

It's also an excellent suggestion for what to do with old clarinets. (Unlike good instruments, such as violins, clarinets deteriorate with age.)

This reminds me of the Goon Show episode entitled "The Call of the West" (first broadcast on the BBC January 20, 1959) in which Moriarty & Grytpype-Thynne travel to "the colonies" to sell saxophones to the natives. Here are a few select lines:

1) Lt. Hern-Hern: "Now we're looking for two men who've been selling contraband saxophones to the Red Injuns ... thereby causing unemployment among white musicians."

2) Grytpype-Thynne: "Yes, he plays lovely doesn't he? It could easily pass for music."

3) Moriarty (in crate with saxophones): "Is it night or day?" Grytpype-Thynne: "Fool ... that sort of thing is only for the rich."

(Did you say "What's a Goon Show?" A 50's British radio show written by Spike Milligan and starring Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Seacombe. I've collected several hundred taped episodes over the years. Often cited as an influence on Monty Python. For more info: The Goon Show Site or Dick Baker's Goon Show Preservation Society.)

Here's another old clarinet cartoon along the same lines - this one from July 1994 - not funny enough for 20 years on the fridge, but still funny.

"Jerry keeps his interest in the clarinet under wraps." Ballard Street by Jerry von Amerongen

Click on the cartoons for enlargement.

Other Mixed Meters musings involving the Clarinet

Clarinet Flashback (The Del-Rio Mini Sax Affair)

The Laptop in Live Performance (In which you can listen to my failed 30-year old piece for clarinet and electronics.)

VIDEO from before the clarinet became absurd:

Artie Shaw in 1940 (Dig the violin section tapping its foot.)

Eric Dolphy in 1961, God Bless the Child on bass clarinet

Hüsnü Şenlendiri, a Turkish clarinetist. Check out the red outfit on the trumpet player.

Yeghishé Gasparian, an Armenian clarinetist with dancers.

And finally, a 1945 super-excellent animated short of swing-dancing teen bobby-socksers with a Benny Goodman soundtrack. (Highly recommended.)


Music Video
Artifacts

Happy Birthday to Kenny G.

I love this joke:

Q. What's the difference between Kenny G. and an automatic weapon?

A. Eventually the gun stops repeating.

How does Kenny cope with bad vibes from non-fans? Read about where Kenny G. lives and about his new gas-saving home not far away from home. P.S. Kenny turns 50 tomorrow.

Video - here's someone "lip"-syncing to a Kenny G. track.

Here are Tenor Sax Lessons in Kenny G's honor -
C major Scale
F Major Scale
D Major Scale (with mystery blues)

WFMU has another Kenny G. a completely different person, a DJ, whose program I would recommend. Click here and give his show a listen.

Charles Mingus

Here's a joke that arrived in my email today.

After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, the last child moves out of the house and Mom and Dad announce they're getting a divorce.
The kids are distraught and hire a marriage counselor as a last resort at keeping their parents together. The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't talk to each other. Finally, he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful upright bass and begins to play.
After a minute or so, the couple starts talking and they discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try.
The kids are amazed and ask the counselor how he managed to do it. He replies, "I've never seen a couple that wouldn't talk through a bass solo."

Bass players think they get no respect. Janet Davis (a bass player) sent me this. She once told me "No one remembers the bass player's name."

Charles Mingus, however, is a bass player and composer to remember. (Read about him on Wikipedia.) I think of him as an insanely great musician.

Two Mingus videos found me on MySpace about the same time as Janet's joke. They made me think it was high time to add a second item to my list of favorite music. (The first entry, Karnak, is here.)

Each Mingus video shows a live performance of one piece with small ensemble.

Click her for the first clip - So Long, Eric performed in Norway in 1964. Wearing suits and ties and short hair, their compact stage setup would make you wonder if they're playing the Trout Quintet with a drummer. Eric Dolphy, to whom the piece is dedicated, solos on alto. The last few moments, after the tune repeats, are a classic Mingus musical touch.

The second clip is Flowers for a Lady recorded in 1974 in Italy. It's a quintet, piano, bass and drums plus tenor and bari saxes. Hamiet Bluiett plays an amazing bari solo. This was near the time I saw Mingus live on an off night in an empty jazz club in Chicago. He looked angry - I now know he probably was. I was a college senior studying classical music with no clue what I was hearing. Years later, when I discovered Mingus' music, I started to realize the importance of what I'd heard back then.

As I've gradually lost interest in jazz over the last decade, I've maintained - even increased my interest in Mingus. In his recordings you can hear him lead a group on bass, push it from below. I find his compositions moving and relevant and memorable. Like another of my favorite musicians, Astor Piazzolla, writing music for ones own ensemble seems to produce high quality results.

My favorite Mingus album Mingus, Ah, Um - it would still be my favorite with just the first two tracks: Better Git It In Your Soul and Goodbye Port Pie Hat. Here's the lead sheet to Fables of Faubus. There's general agreement this is a great album. But what does the title mean? (For the context of Fables of Faubus - click and then scroll down.)

Another good Mingus experience is a biographical movie: Charles Mingus, Triumph of the Underdog It covers Mingus' entire life with lots of interviews - and way too much Gunther Schuller. Watch for a three-second clip of Milt Buckner at the piano that had me rolling on the floor in laughter.

Music Video

Music Reviews

Movies

30 Second Spots - That's Not Your Baby Concerto

Bored with long posts? Tired of short music? Click here or here or here (and then click Sabre Dance) to see the world's cutest Crash Cymbal player. No kidding.

A pleasant effect of doing Mixed Meters is that several long out-of-touch college roommates have started regular communication again. One of them is Kevin Tidemann, now valiantly serving a tour of duty in the Federal bureaucracy. Kevin wrote: "I love your 30 second spots, the ones I've found so far. They usually bring a smile, sometimes of puzzlement, sometimes of joy. You still have a truly great sense of humor." Thanks, Kev.

Puzzlement, of course, is a reaction composers are taught to tolerate. But being accused of "joy" or "humor" is more difficult. This has come up before. In these cases it is a tradition at Mixed Meters to post something contradictory, music for which "fun" is simply not the right word. Today's piece does that pretty well I think and, what's more, it comes in two sizes.

click here to hear the That's Not Your Baby Concerto Despite lasting only 33 seconds it has traditional 3 movement concerto form. No kidding. The movements are separated by short atonal interludes for those actually paying close attention. (Please don't feel you must pay "close attention" - I'd prefer you choose the level of attention most comfortable to you.)

Copyright © February 18, 2006 by David Ocker - 33 seconds

When Leslie heard that spot she said "It should be longer." And I had an idea of how to expand the length while maintaing identical form and content. So, if you're still interested, click here to hear the That's Not Your Baby Concerto - Long Version which is a whopping 2 minutes and nine seconds. No kidding! Talk about heavenly length. Talk more here.

Copyright © February 18-21, 2006 by David Ocker - 129 seconds

The title refers to a Starbucks episode wherein a young toddler ran up to a strange infant and began "fetishing" it. His Mother, probably trying to keep her son from sneezing in the baby's face, pulled him away and told him "That's not your baby" just at the moment I needed a file name.




Explanation of 30 second spots

30 Second Spots

In which a Dead Whale is Funny

Here's a video clip from the ABC (er, the one in Australia) - a news story and interview on the subject of a dead whale. It's the interview on the subject of whether seismic testing killed the whale that merits your attention. (Here's a transcript.) (ALSO: Scroll to the end of this post for the video.)

American politicians can be this dumb but not this honest.

The video is hosted by the blog Paul's Jokes (I also suggest the video about the German Coast Guard.)  More John Clarke and Bryan Dawe is available here.

This dead whale picture came from here.

The classic beached dead whale story (which involves explosives) and lots more is here.  (Watch video here.)

Video coverage of the exploding whale is here.

Here's another biology-themed Mixed Meters post you might enjoy about Penis Fencing

Media
Biology

ADDENDUM: Here's the Clarke and Dawe 'Dead Whale' video (following the original news clip).

Four 30 Second Spots in the form of a Horoscope

I'm writing new 30 Second Spots faster than I'm posting them. Probably that's not important since the demand is underwhelming.

I've created a Horoscope to help you decide which new spot is appropriate for you.. The traditional horoscope has 12 settings, kind of a celestial tone-row. I've combined the 12 into 4 groups; select the one with your sign. Or you can use the day of the week on which you were born. Or just pick the ice cream which looks most appetizing.

If you are a Cancer, Leo or Virgo (or were born on a Friday or Tuesday) click here to hear Alright Baby - you like things to proceed logically from the start but are never satisfied with the result. The ice cream is Martian Topography. The music is in the Angular Hocketed Contrapuntalist style (Yes, in proper English the title should be "All right Baby")

Copyright © January 14, 2006 by David Ocker - 35 seconds


If you are a Libra, Scorpio or Sagittarius (or were born on a Saturday or Wednesday) click here to hear Dayold - you are a student of occult musical practices and must work hard to avoid your natural bad attitudes. The ice cream is Crunchy Cherry Scab. The music is Systemic Alternative Tonicism.

Copyright © January 11, 2006 by David Ocker - 36 seconds



If you are a Capricorn, Aquarius or Pisces (or were born on a Sunday) click here to hear So Have You Kicked It - you have achieved an inner peace that is ruined by bad intonation. The ice cream is Butter Mud Twirl. The music is Perforated Parodistic Pointalism.

Copyright © January 18, 2006 by David Ocker - 34 seconds




If you are an Aries, Taurus or Gemini (or were born on Thursday or Monday) click here to hear Professional Potatoes - you are a workaholic without good ideas so things tend to go bad in the end. The ice cream is Banana Eyeliner. The music is Unprincipled Faux Minimalisticism.

Copyright © January 17, 2006 by David Ocker - 35 seconds



click here for an Explanation of 30 second spots

30 Second Spots

In which David meets a Musical Hero

THE BACKSTORY: In the late '60s I was a high school student in Sioux City, Iowa. Someone gave me a tape with no explanation. I played it on my prized possession: a Panasonic reel-to-reel tape recorder with 3 inch reels and a top speed of 3 3/4 i.p.s.

On this tape was a man introducing music at a concert. The very strange - and very funny - pieces were by someone named P.D.Q. Bach. I was enthralled. And baffled. Imagine trying to understand what kind of musical instrument a "Horn & Hardart" was if you'd never been east of Iowa.

I learned the man was Peter Schickele - and I've been a big fan of his good humored music ever since. In fact, Peter Schickele's work has had a huge & positive effect on my attitudes towards music.

CUT TO THE PRESENT: Friday morning I was sitting in Disney Concert Hall before a concert. Several women sat down to my left and later a man and woman sat to my right. I wasn't paying attention. The woman-to-my-left asked "Is the man near you Peter Schickele?" I looked over but I wasn't sure. Then he talked - no mistaking that voice.

Eventually I figured out how to introduce myself - which would be a whole other story. As I've often heard from people who know him - and as I always assumed from his music - he was a thoroughly pleasant and charming individual. When we said goodbye I told him he was one of my musical heroes - and there aren't very many others.


Music Reviews
Stories

In which David enjoys vintage absurd humor

Consider Man On The Street interviews.

Often used as filler in TV news. Fake ones are staples of misleading commercials. (My favorite line "They're giving it away free? It must be good.")

But how about interviewing unsuspecting people and presenting them with absurd situations? If you think that might be funny you should know about Coyle and Sharpe.

That would be James P. Coyle (in front) and Mal Sharpe (the other one). They were radio comedians in San Francisco during the sixties (not evil assistants to President Nixon as the picture might suggest).

Click here for The Official Coyle & Sharpe Webpage - you'll find audio and video. It's more amusing and droll than this blog.

Media

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Computer Headaches