Saturday, February 03, 2007

Mozart's Penis versus Schoenberg's Penis

My previous post was about the late Molly Ivins, a columnist who was extremely funny and exceptionally relevant.

This post is prompted by Dave Barry, a columnist who is extremely funny.

Thanks to the blog Bits and Pieces I discovered that Dave Barry has a blog. It's just another clip blog (like Bits and Pieces).

But it did contain a link to a story about amputating Mozart's penis. Mozart in this case is an iguana and his organ had to be removed because it was always erect and it prevented him from walking. The story says that iguanas have a spare penis - so losing one is not a big deal.

a Mexican iguana sunning itself on a rock at Uxmal
Here's a quote from the article:
A spokesman at the zoo, speaking with the casual, blasé manner of someone who hasn't just had their penis cut off, said: 'Male iguanas - including Mozart - have two penises, so this is unlikely to be a big problem for him.'
The picture above is an Iguana we met in at the ancient Mayan ruins of Uxmal. It's not Mozart. It might not even be male.

a plastic statuette of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
This picture is Mozart, a plastic Mozart. I doubt the flesh and blood Mozart's face really looked like this and of course his lower organ ranks are left completely to your imagination.

This particular item sat for years next to my family's low-tech stereo system, back in the sixties. So it's a Vintage Plastic Mozart. (The music behind him is what I should be working on instead of blogging.)

As long as we're on the subject of Composers Genitals - here's a fascinating link from The Urban Dictionary about the private parts of Arnold Schoenberg, a famous teacher.

Apparently the phrase "Schoenberg's Penis" is an expletive of sorts - a possible substitute for the F-word. I've never heard it used, but maybe it's common in England where you also might find a muso.

If you've ever said "Schoenberg's Penis" (I mean said it "out loud to another person and meant it as swearing") please leave a comment. I suspect the listing is someone's idea of a joke - someone who probably can't count past twelve.

Anyway, here's the definition plus two sample sentences:
1. Schoenberg's penis
An exclamation, normally to show anger or frustration at forgetting something or at something going wrong. Substitution for buggar, shit, fuck etc. Normally used in muso circles due to it's origin.

"Oh Schoenberg's penis, I forgot to pay the milkman again!"

"Schoenberg's penis, you bloody fool, why did you not tell me about his porn collection?!"
Arnold Schoenberg, self portrait with funny colors
The final picture is one of Arnold Schoenberg's many self-portraits. This one is a hoot. Others can be found here.

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