In which Spies Get Interested in New Music

As urban legends go, this one about how Anton Webern coded secret wartime information into his music is pretty funny. Once, on an Internet Mailing List that I get, it got taken quite seriously - as it is on the Urban Legends website.

Later I ran across a movie that uses the new-music-as-tool-for-spies concept. It's called The Man with One Red Shoe starring a young Tom Hanks. A remake of a French movie. Pretty funny - but all the reviews said "not as funny as the original."

I couldn't find the original, called The Tall Blond Man with One Black Shoe (imagine the title in French) on DVD . . . until a copy appeared on EBay a couple weeks ago. I ordered it. (The movie is still not available on DVD - this was a bootleg. Bad David.)

My Verdict - the orignal is a little funnier because the star (played by Pierre Richard) is much better at physical schtick than Tom Hanks. Otherwise the movies are very similar. People who are amused by ugly new music will love the "opera" he plays on his violin.

Confusingly, I need to mention another movie - Alfred Hitchcock's The Lady Vanishes. But if I tell you why, I'll have to kill you. Or something.

Movies
Music Reviews

30 Second Spots - The Musical Christmas Sandwich

Tesco, the "English Walmart", announced plans for a sandwich wrapper that plays Christmas music. Here's one link. Here's another.

Imagine many of these, still playing, languishing in the trash. Here's my idea of what that might sound like: click here to hear The Musical Christmas Sandwich I suggest "continuous" mode - so it plays over and over and over.

Speaking of sandwich wrapping, here's the obvious connection.

Copyright © December 10, 2005 by David Ocker - 36 seconds

Explanation of 30 second spots

30 Second Spots

30 Second Spots - Pharm

Here's a line from The Simpsons that got a big laugh from me: "That's it, it's one thing for a ghost to scare my kids, But it's quite another for him to play MY THEREMIN!"

Here's a cool "Powers of Ten" website that is referred to in that same episode.

click here to hear Pharm which has nothing whatsoever to do with the Simpsons or this picture of a plant or powers of ten or anything at all, really. The title is part of a common word, something you might find around a grocery store.

Copyright © December 5, 2005 by David Ocker - 34 seconds

Explanation of 30 second spots

30 Second Spots

In which David Buys More Acid Rain

Acid Rain is my favorite hot sauce because it's not just very hot, it also has flavor. I ran out. The picture is of my last bottle.

I ordered 4 more bottles from Hot Sauce World - I've never found it in nearby stores.

In which David Does Something Stupid With a Mailbox

A week ago Wednesday I paid the bills. And I had a check to deposit in the bank. All the envelopes were together and I forgot to take care of them right away.

On Friday, as Leslie and I were going out, I grabbed everything. We drove by the post office and she dropped them all in the box.

Sunday night: "What happened to the check I was supposed to deposit?" I searched frantically. Then it hit me: the bank deposit envelope had gone into the mail box on Friday. Oops.

Monday I contacted the post office. Talked to a lot of polite people who were very familiar with the concept. "We get a lot of bank deposits." one woman told me. No one could agree where my envelope was supposed to go for sorting. The U.S. Post Office is a big, big place. There are many alternatives.

Wednesday (today) - in the mail was a letter from the Post Office with my check inside. They opened the envelope and found my address. Not bad service, I think. But I do feel pretty stupid.

So the next time you complain about the Post Office, remember it's people like me who make their job hard. No wonder they charge so much for a first class stamp. (It's actually a bargain. According to Federal Reserve Consumer Price Calculator - 37 cents is a nickel in 1957 dollars.)

Stories
Pictures of Plants

In which David Imagines George Bush and Charles Ives

Imagine the U.S. has conquered a foreign country, put its leaders on trial and removed a political party. Iraq? The Baathists?

Imagine that the leaders of this foreign country had a deep interest in serious music which they used for political purposes. Suppose the U.S. wanted to punish a great musician who seemed to have collaborated, but who claimed he was only trying to preserve the music and survive.

Imagine that someone made a movie about this - and even succeeded to the point of presenting both sides of the story without actually taking sides. It's called Taking Sides - (here's a review) - the story of an American Army Major charged with prosecuting Wilhelm Furtwangler after WWII. Good movie.
Musical life in Nazi Germany interests me. Two fascinatings books by Michael H. Kater "The Twisted Muse: Musicians and Their Music in the Third Reich" about the classical side and "Different Drummers, Jazz in the culture of Nazi Germany." Curiously jazz was stronger than the Nazis. But not classical music.

Imagine if powerful leaders in the US thought classical music was essential to our culture. Imagine George Bush having a favorite Charles Ives or Aaron Copland conductor. Would that be good?



Politics
Media
Music Reviews

Forty Second Spots - December Fortieth

click here to hear December Fortieth The title was used to describe my brother-in-law's vacation. That's all you need to know.

Copyright © December 4, 2005 by David Ocker - 42 seconds

Explanation of 30 second spots

30 Second Spots

In which a Political Column makes David Smile

Robert Novak is not someone whose writing I usually read, but the title of his column "Removing J. Edgar's Name" caught my attention. It's about a speech by a prominant conservative judge calling for the name of J. Edgar Hoover to be removed from the FBI building in Washington. Cool.

Isn't going to happen. Nice thought.

It's not quite De-Stalinization, but I'd like to see a dead politician who did bad stuff have his honors revoked.

Hey, maybe even living politicians. Henry Kissinger?

Here's a picture of J. Edgar admiring a dress.


Politics

30 Second Spots Times 3 - A Personality Quiz

Here are three 30 second spots. There is a new rule however: You May Only Listen To One Of The Three.

"How shall I decide which?" I faintly hear you ask.

Compare yourself to the three personality descriptions below. Then listen to the spot with the statement that best describes you.

1.) I need familiar and predictable situations that will not challenge me. If this is you click here to hear Who Needs an Overcoat (A tonal fugue.)
Copyright © November 28, 2005 by David Ocker - 33 seconds

2.) I like everything in moderation and avoid extremes. If this is you click here to hear Lacking an Appreciation for the Artform - (Random arpeggiated noodling.)
Copyright © November 29, 2005 by David Ocker - 34 seconds

3.) I thrive on uncertainty and prefer ambiguous resolutions. If this is you then click here to hear Sam and Dave - Damned or Saved (A small fanfare for a bad event.)
Copyright © November 30, 2005 by David Ocker - 34 seconds

Later, if you think your personality has changed, you may take the test again.

(P.S. As far as I can tell Sam and Dave - Damned or Saved has nothing to do with the singing group Sam & Dave or the album Salmon Dave by the great Joe Newman.)

Explanation of 30 second spots

30 Second Spots

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Just click on this sentence and let the computer type


Computer Headaches

In which David Complains About Christmas Music

Merry Christmas from the YOUR NAME HERES

Today is December first and the Christmas Music Season is already three weeks old. I apologize for my bad attitude, but I'm sick of it. Worse yet, it's got more than a month to go.

People who are looking forward to Christmas deserve audio stimuli. For the rest of us it can't be turned off. Must be good for sales. "The First Noel - now with more marketing power!" How about a chorus of The Dreidel Song occasionally for those few of us on the outside.

So much Christmas music has that "Small World After All" quality - you can't stop singing it. Apparently tunes stuck in your brain like that are called "earworms." Just imagine being Jewish the next time you catch yourself humming "Silent Night."

At Starbucks the beautiful & mournful Billie Holiday song "God Bless the Child" is in heavy Christmas rotation. I thought it was about arguing with your relatives about money. Ah, that's the Christmas spirit.

Music Reviews
Religion